Advice to Esmeralda ( by Angela Kuo
Summary: This was based on the trailer, a few comments I read on the rec.arts.disney.* newsgroups, and some guessing on my part. This was posted just before "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" came out.
Rating: G
Categories: Aladdin
Characters: Other, Jasmine
Genres: Comedy, Crossover, Filk
Warnings: None
Challenges: None
Series: None
Published: 12/03/04
Updated: 12/03/04
Advice to Esmeralda ( by Angela Kuo
Chapter 1: Advice to Esmeralda (
Author's Notes:
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Advice to Esmeralda ("You Gotta Be a Mimic")
Written by Angela Kuo (angela_h_kuo@yahoo.com)
To the tune of "You Gotta Have a Gimmick" from _Gypsy_. Lyrics
by Stephen Sondheim, music by Jule Styne.
Copyright: 1996. Originally posted 6/13/96.
Author's note: This was based on the trailer, a few comments I read
on the rec.arts.disney.* newsgroups, and some guessing on my part.
This was posted just before "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" came out.
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Advice to Esmeralda ("You Gotta Be a Mimic")
[Scene: ESMERALDA is in a tent, gazing into a crystal ball. Her pet goat
DJALI is with her.]
ESMERALDA [To the ball]: Give me words of wisdom from those who have gone
before me! What do I need to do to make "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" a
really big hit this summer? I ask for help from the women of the 1990s!
[The images of BELLE, JASMINE, and POCAHONTAS appear before her] The leads
from "Beauty and the Beast," "Aladdin," and "Pocahontas"! I am so honored
by your presence! But where is Nala from "The Lion King"?
BELLE: We would have brought her, but we were afraid she'd make Djali nervous.
ESMERALDA: What about Miss Bianca from "The Rescuers Down Under"?
JASMINE: We were afraid she might get trampled by Djali.
POCAHONTAS: Or eaten. Goats are like raccoons, they want to try to eat
everything.
ESMERALDA: I see. Will you give me advice about my film?
BELLE: Sure.
JASMINE: Gosh, have we heard some rumors about you.
POCAHONTAS: I know the feeling; I went through it last year.
ESMERALDA: Then you'll help me!
BELLE: Yes. And the first rule is: you can't stray too far from the previous
Disney films.
JASMINE: People want more of the same stuff!
POCAHONTAS: They're afraid of change!
ESMERALDA: So what should I do?
[Music starts]
BELLE
You can wink both your eyes out
So you knock the guys out
Haunt with your flaunt and your flirt.
But you gotta be a mimic
If you wanna hit pay dirt!
You can be a little braver
And act as a life saver,
Dress for success that they'll see.
Kid, you gotta be a mimic
If you wanna rate a G!
You can dance, you can dance, you can dance, dance, dance
Until the music's ceased.
Well, I dance, and I dance, and I dance, dance, dance
But I do it with a Beast!
[Interlude: excerpt from the ballroom scene from "Beauty and the Beast"]
Get an ugly co-star,
Now I bet you'll go far
With a revolution in France.
You gotta be a mimic
If you wanna have a chance!
JASMINE
You can fight, you can fight, you can fight, fight, fight,
You sure can use a sword!
I can fight, I can fight, I can fight, fight, fight
But there's more to my reward!
[ALADDIN appears, surrounded by mountains of gold (profits) and the GENIE in
a few of his 10,000 forms]
Genie made my film tick,
So add a comic sidekick,
Put in a funny gargoyle or three--
'Cause if you are a mimic,
Gypsy girl, a hit you'll be!
POCAHONTAS
They say love, they say love, they say love, love, love
For me was just a myth.
Well, I love, and I love, and I love, love, love
A real handsome, good-souled Smith!
[Interlude: romantic clips of POCAHONTAS and JOHN SMITH]
Turn that Phoebus zero
Into a noble hero,
Just change the plot and people around.
You gotta be a mimic
If you play it safe and sound!
ALL THREE [in canon]
It's not a fable:
Be a pretty babe'll
Earn lots in film merchandise!
You gotta be a mimic
And maybe have a gimmick,
Listen close and heed our advice:
JASMINE
Comedy with action--
You'll be the main attraction!
POCAHONTAS
Change a tragic hist'ry
Into romantic myst'ry!
BELLE
For a winning show go
Get a Quasimodo!
ALL THREE
So be another mimic:
What's done once can be done twice!
[They disappear. ESMERALDA turns to DJALI]
ESMERALDA: What do you think, Djali?
DJALI: Baa.
[I'm not sure if Djali is baaing the advice or the parody...:) ]
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.
This story archived at http://www.aladdincentral.org/library/viewstory.php?sid=279