I didn’t know what it was exactly, but every time I kissed a girl I felt like I was cheating on another one. Even when I wasn’t! I wasn’t innocent when it came to cheating, but to be fair, usually the girl cheated on me first so it was more revenge than anything else. Her name is Shara, the girl that I just kissed for the first time and there’s that nagging feeling in the back of my mind telling me that this was just wrong. In every sense of the word. I didn’t love her, really, I didn’t even like her. She was just a time filler until I actually found a girl that was different.
“Aladdin? What’s wrong?” Damn. I realize a little too late that I’ve been looking everywhere but at her face. I smile falsely, knowing that she is another dead end, yet another waste of my time. But it wasn’t her fault and I had to remind myself of that. Whatever was wrong, it was something wrong with me. Something in the back of my brain telling me that kissing this girl was wrong. Not only her, but every girl I’d ever kissed had been wrong (honestly I’d lost track of how many girls I’d been with in my sixteen years.)
“Yeah, I’m just tired…I think I’ll go home now.” I immediately knew how stupid that sounded considering it was about noon. The smile on her face dropped and she stepped away from me, clearly seeing through my lie.
“Oh, yeah, ok…you know where to find me.” I nodded and turned from her, knowing where to find her but not intending to. Who was the girl I could kiss without guilt? Who was my heart bound to that my brain was not aware of? Well, I’ll just have to keep sifting through the sand to find the diamond in the rough won’t I?
---x---
A year after Shara came Benine. And I was in complete lust with her. That’s it, lust. She was purely there for sex and nothing more. No love, not even slight affection. And when we did have sex it felt like the ultimate cheat. Like that woman my heart was bound to was silently sobbing at my betrayal. Needless to say, I was always out of her bed before the sun rose.
After that I would go to my hovel and take my equivalent of a shower (basically dunking my head in a basin of water) to try and cleanse myself of her scent, smell and touch. But at least I was smart enough to not confuse lust with love. I had never felt love before, although I had felt lust countless times. Lust was a pure physical attraction where if even their hair was cut differently the lust would fall away to reveal nothing holding the relationship together while love was unconditional.
But lust slowly rots on its own. After nearly three months of casual sex I was tired of her, the lust holding our broken relationship having rotted away to reveal the ugly truth. Half the time she couldn’t even remember my name and I could hardly remember hers. So I decided that I had had enough of this sex based relationship and broke it off cleanly. Mentioning, as I’m slipping out of her window the morning after one of our excursions, that I wouldn’t be returning. She gave a shrug, a nod and turned over, returning to her slumber.
That was the end of Benine. Another grain of sand in the search for the diamond.
---x---
She was nothing like anything I had ever seen. The hair that peeks out from beneath her brown hood is midnight black and looks silky, soft and well cared for. Her eyes are a light shade of amber, gleaming with such curiosity and wonder it’s almost childlike. Her features are doll like, her skin looking as though it’s made of flawless tanned porcelain and I can’t keep from staring as I ignore my newly stolen breakfast. Under her plain brown dress I can see her shapely figure, perfection. I’d never seen something like her.
I’d seen beauty. I’d even seen flawless beauty but she radiated it. The flawless beauty seemed to shine from all around her making my heart do a double take. Not only can I visibly see her beauty but I can feel her personality. It seems warm and inviting, drawing me in from my position on the tarp above a fruit stand, making me lean forward and ignore Abu’s hand in front of my face. She seems like a girl who wears her emotions on her sleeve which I normally don’t like because they tend to be much too emotional and hormonal. But she seems different and I just have to meet her.
Hey, maybe, just maybe, she could be the diamond I’ve been searching for.
Diamond I've Been Searching For by ZahraOfTheDesert
Author's Notes:
Anybody watch the Aladdin TV series? I watched one called “Elemental, Dear Jasmine” and Jasmine asked Aladdin if he dated any girls before her and he was like “Tons!” I loled but it got me thinking. So wa-la! Reviews are appreciated :)