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If Only... by Violinplayer
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Disclaimer: Mozenrath, Aladdin, and Xerxes belongs to Disney. Pretty much everything I make reference to is owned by someone else. Too bad, eh?
Things You will Never, Ever See Mozenrath Do of his Own Free Will (but could be pretty funny)


Invent a silly walk (Now, that's not quite silly enough)

Weep uncontrollably whenever he hears “Wind Beneath My Wings”

Apologize to Xerxes for all the years of treating him so terribly, then break down into tears about his horrible childhood and emotional scars.

Belch the alphabet

Ditto for "Ixtala!" or "Ixtabor!"

Gel and then blow dry hair to look “just like Aladdin's”

Wear makeup (whoops, that’s one of the things you’d never see Aladdin do...)

Transport self to the future just in time to buy new Britney Spears cd.

Karaoke

After being defeated by Aladdin (or any enemy for that matter), watch “Sleepless in Seattle” while eating a 1/2 gallon of double chocolate ice cream- right from the container.

The Moonwalk

Decide to redecorate the Citadel in more ‘natural’ tones

Start pumping iron just to “impress the ladies”

Pass up a chance to defeat Aladdin for fear of missing a Three Stooges marathon

Spend a Sunday afternoon drinking beer and scratching himself while watching a rousing game of polo
And now for something completely different, I give you
Things Mozenrath Would Never Say.

“Does this tunic make my butt look big?”

*while skipping through the Citadel* “I’m a little teapot, short and stout...”

“Ooh, a daffodil!”

“I’d better finish up this spell- Buffy starts in 5 minutes!”

“Who has time for magic? My social calendar is booked solid!”

“Screw the Seven Deserts. I’m going to Disneyworld.”

“Bloody Hell”

“I wish *I* looked as good in turquoise as the Princess.”

*sitting in front of mirror, staring at reflection* "The spell didn't work, but that's ok...because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggonit, people like me!"