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"Don't Cry for Us, Cinderella"
Written by Angela Kuo (angela_h_kuo@yahoo.com)
To the tune of "Don't Cry for Me Argentina" from _Evita_. Lyrics by Tim
Rice, music by Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Copyright: 1997. This parody may be freely saved, distributed, reposted,
and placed on webpages for nonprofit purposes as long as it is properly
credited and in its original form. Originally posted 1/12/97.
Author's note: This parody is not meant as a rip on Cinderella,
Snow White, or Aurora. Those three have admirable qualities as well.
I imagine they must hold some sort of record for patience and
endurance. :)
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"Don't Cry for Us, Cinderella"
[Scene: TIM RICE (TR) and ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER (ALW) at the "Evita" movie
auditions]
ALW: So, Tim, I hear you did a couple of Disney animated features since
we last worked together.
TR: Sure did. "Aladdin" and "The Lion King." Two films and two Oscars. And
I did those extra lyrics for Broadway's "Beauty and the Beast."
ALW: Oh, that's nice. Did working for Walt Disney Pictures influence you at
all?
[Door opens and ARIEL, BELLE, JASMINE, POCAHONTAS, and ESMERALDA walk in]
JASMINE: We're here for the audition, Mr. Rice.
ALW [looks at TR]: You invited the Disney heroines to audition for "Evita"?
Why?
TR: Well, they're all very talented. They sound just like Jodi Benson, Paige
O'Hara, Lea Salonga, Judy Kuhn, Heidi Mollenhauer. They're very beautiful
of course. And you know Eva's a strong character. I assure you all these
women are very strong.
ALW: I'm surprised you didn't invite Nala from "The Lion King."
TR: Maybe she could audition for your "Cats."
ALW: True. [To the Disney heroines] Thanks for coming. Would you sing this
please?
[He pushes some sheet music at them. Music starts. To the tune of "Don't Cry
for Me Argentina"]
ARIEL, BELLE, JASMINE, POCAHONTAS, and ESMERALDA
It's the new Disney, some think it strange
That the new female leads are so strong
Yet we still long for love after all of these years.
It's all quite simple:
You want a love who is faithful and true
Although you should still have a spine
In case your sweet prince can't come through.
Society is different, we had to change,
Though we held on to beauty and song,
We make lots of hard choices and we cry fewer tears.
An independent,
Smarter and tougher and talented crew
And each with her own sense of style.
Why, one of us wears a tattoo.
Don't cry for us, Cinderella,
The truth is we just aren't like you.
We're not like Snow White. We've changed our duty.
We've come a long way
Since "Sleeping Beauty."
We're Disney's fortune and Disney's fame,
Role models for millions of girls,
And all over the world
We're adored and admired.
We're not so helpless,
We have shown we are active and do what we can,
Our status improves all the time,
And Mulan's as good as a man!
Don't cry for us, Cinderella,
The truth is we just aren't like you.
We're not like Snow White. We've changed our duty.
We've come a long way
Since "Sleeping Beauty."
Have we said too much?
There's so much more we can think of to say to you.
All the Disney films are doing really well all due to you-know-who!
ALW: Thanks for auditioning. We'll call you. [The Disney heroines exit. ALW
turns to TR] You rewrote the lyrics again, didn't you?
TR: Was it that obvious?
ALW: Uh, Tim, I hate to tell you this, but this is a live-action movie.
TR: It is? [Pause] How about Madonna?
Don't Cry for Us, Cinderella by Angela Kuo