...You want to dress up like Moze for Halloween.
...You name your cat or dog Mozenrath.
...You own two VCR’s. Just in case one fails during the taping of the show.
...You buy a pair of brown leather gloves and throw the left one away so you can have a magic gauntlet.
...You actually wear the glove to school.
...You think Mozenrath is sexy. ;)
...Whenever you see a crystal, you freak out and start screaming: "It’s the Crystal of Ix!" Then try to smash it.
...You dye your hair black and curl it.
...You ask your parents for a pet eel.
...You have every single episode with Mozenrath on it. Including the brief cameo on "When Chaos Comes Calling".
...You get a new ZIP disk drive, just so you have a place to store all the Mozenrath pictures and stories you have downloaded.
...You sew a leather glove to your sleeve. If someone takes it off, you hide your arm and mutter: "My secret’s out."
...You paint stylized skulls on your bedroom walls.
...You set up a .wav file to play the sound of Mozenrath’s black fire whenever you delete a file.
...You name your cat or dog Xerxes.
...You don't have a cat or dog so you name your hamster Xerxes.
...You try to invent a glove that causes Moze’s blue fire to shoot out of it.
...On weekends you watch two episodes from the previous weeks to prevent withdrawal symptoms.
...You plan to move to the desert and search for Mozenrath’s kingdom.
...You stay inside all the time to get a pale complexion.
...Your relatives get annoyed whenever they get pictures of you because you're always in an 'Moze pose’.
...You get grounded for a month for using your father’s flame torch.
...A while back you were caught doing unauthorized lab experiments in the science room of your school. When asked what you were doing, you replied that you were trying to raise demons.
...Your friends start talking about something boring like physics, you start to think: "What would Mozenrath do in this situation...?"
...You get Mozenrath’s name tattooed on you in Arabic.
...You see too many similarities between you and Mozenrath.
...You wrap a towel around your head turban-style and attach a big ruby at the top.
...Whenever you see a picture of a gryphon, you either
... No one is looking you pretend to pet an invisible Xerxes around your shoulders.
...You won't go near a jewelry shop in fear that they might have a Crystal of Ix.
...On a windy stormy day, you keep watch for Wind Jackals.
...You suggest to your parents that a landscape of black sand would be a great idea.
...You dye your dog purple.
...You sew an entire Mozenrath costume AND wear it to school for picture day.
...You wish you were in Agrabah, so you can see Moze attempt to take over the city.
...You name your computer 'Magic Gauntlet’.
...Your many attempts to conjure up things have failed miserably.
... You see Road Repair Service putting tar on the asphalt; you keep as far away from it as possible. You don't want to get sucked down into it.
...You petition your local school board to introduce Mozenrath uniforms.
...You are looking for a date, but are only interested in guys with long, curly black hair and pale narrow faces.
...Your parents say 'go get a job, and you think: "Okay, I'll be a sorcerer, or maybe work in a lab."
...You wonder why they didn't make Mozenrath dolls when they made all kinds of Aladdin and Jasmine dolls.
...You consider making your own Mozenrath dolls and selling them to Mozekateers all over the world.
...You watch certain copies of Aladdin over and over and over...
...You make a tape of all the Mozenrath episodes and listen to them in the car, on the bus, while the teacher’s talking... ;)
...Your notebooks have more Mozenrath doodles than notes!
...Your friend who is ALSO a Moze freak says, "I think YOU’ve been watching too much Mozenrath!"
...You decide that because you can't blast people with blue-black fire, you'll throw sparkly blue glitter at them instead.
...You start wondering if Mozenrath is real and then go to the library to research facts on the desert, to prove to yourself that a desert of black sand really did exist.
...You kidnap your neighbor’s snake and paint it mauve and gray.
...You try to levitate yourself in the air.
...You see your little sister playing with the Aladdin doll, you snarl and try to rip its head off.
...You take all the heads you ripped off the Aladdin dolls and stake them around the house.
...You sell everything you have, and move to Saudi Arabia. In hopes of catching a glimpse of Mozenrath.
...Someone tells you, "You look, act, sound, just like Mozenrath". AND you take it as a compliment!
...You buy a dry ice machine to create a gloomy atmosphere around your house.
...Little kids are now scared to walk past your house.
...You have a crush on Jonathan Brandis.
...You absolutely refuse to check out books with big leering faces on them.
...You ask the people at a jewelry store for the Philosopher’s Stone.
...You take a carriage ride on the beach at night, hoping that Mozenrath will kidnap you.
...Your boyfriend thinks you like Mozenrath more than him.
...Your boyfriend thinks you like Mozenrath more than him. AND HE’S RIGHT!
...You develop a strange attraction to cats...
...You try to turn your little sister or brother into a Simin Golnar.
...You try to turn your little sister or brother into a Mamluk.
...You go to the library to check out books on how to speak and write Arabic.
...You fill a sandbox with black sand and build a miniature Dead City and Citadel.
...You say things like: "Why tell you when I can show you?" and "Beg me for mercy!"
...You call people who annoy you 'simps’.
...You practice looming and looking down your nose in front of the mirror.
...You get a reference to all of these.
...You make a Mozenrath web page!
...You consider having plastic surgery done, so you can look more like Moze.
...You get sent to the hospital for dipping your right hand in acid so you could have a skeletal arm.
...Jonathan Brandis has a restraining order against you.
...ALL the voice actors on Aladdin have restraining orders against you!
...You dress up like one of the Pairakas for Halloween.
...You get pissed whenever you're watching Aladdin and the hero beats Moze.
...Your room is covered with pictures of Mozenrath.
...You freak out whenever you see an hourglass and the sand is nearly to the bottom.
...You see twins and wonder which one is real and which one might be Mozenrath in disguise.
...Going on a nature hike with your parents, you hunt around for big steel traps with cute little foxes in them...
...You can't stop thinking about him, even in your dreams!
...Reading your geography book, you come across the African country Mozambique and wonder if it might be Mozenrath’s kingdom in a different language.
...You get personalized license plates like: "MOZ RATH", "XERXES", "I © MOZE"
...You take classes to learn Arabic, so you can go to Saudi Arabia and tape the Aladdin episodes there.
...Your friends and family ask you to see a psychiatrist, to talk about your Mozenrath 'fascination’.
...You constantly pester your boyfriend to wear a Mozenrath costume. So you can fantasize that he’s actually Mozenrath.
...Your family starts quoting Mozenrath, thanks to your careful manipulations.
...You watch a Moze episode and shout obscenities at the heroes and cheer on the villain.
...You've actually done some of these!
...You draw/write stories about Moze all day.
...Your two big thrills of the day are watching videotapes of Moze and checking out the forum at the UMS.
...Your laughter begins to sound just like Mozenrath’s.
...You find yourself defending Mozenrath to a seven-year-old who thinks he’s dumb.
...You are constantly trying to recruit people into watching Moze, in hopes that you'll turn them into Mozekateers.
...People have learned not to disturb you when watching Moze, or they get blue and black glitter thrown in their faces.
...You get claustrophobic just looking at a crystal.
...You buy different colored gemstones, place them on the floor and shout: "Dance!" And are disappointed when nothing happens.
...You start looking for magic detectors.
...You plan on naming your first child 'Mozenrath’, or if it’s a girl 'Mozenrathina’.
...Your teachers have come to recognize your 'daydreaming about Mozenrath’ look.
...You put together sand, crystal, and flakes of gold and bake them in your oven to make a Philosopher’s Stone.
...You send threats to the voice actor of Aladdin.
...You suggest having an 'Arabic’ theme for your school’s prom.
...You try to teach your pet eel to talk.
...You actually have a pet eel!
...The cops have arrested you for lurking around a cemetery in the middle of the night.
...You try to resurrect the plastic skeleton hanging in the school’s biology room by pointing your gauntlet at it and shouting: "Live! Live! BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
...Walking around big statues, you start digging to find Mozenrath’s lost gauntlet.
...You tie the little plastic toy figures of Aladdin, Genie, Iago, and Abu to pencils in the back yard and start a bonfire under them. All the while laughing in a wicked maniacal tone of voice.
...Your friends and family think you're weird for loving a cartoon.
...The anniversary of the day you first watched a Mozenrath episode and fell in love with him comes and you throw a huge party, inviting fellow Mozekateers to watch a 'Mozenrath Marathon’ at your house.
...You love to think up ways to torture him 'cause you're an evil villain too. >;)
...You call Nintendo and ask if they're going to make a Mozenrath video game.
...You are known in school as the 'Mozenrath Freak’.
...Your teachers catch you drawing Mozenrath when you're supposed to be doing your homework.
...The creator of the UMS has a restraining order against you! ;)
...You can fit Mozenrath into ANY conversation.
...You have Jonathan Brandis’ autograph.
...You tape some episodes of "Sea Quest" just so you can hear his voice.
...You get black sand from an arts and crafts store and throw it at people you don't like.
...You want to take lessons on how to play the harp.
...You prowl around town at night, wearing your full Mozenrath costume and throw black sand or blue glitter at people who get in your way.
...You have been strait-jacketed and taken away in an ambulance for one incident were you tried to burn the school down all the while screaming, "I am Mozenrath incarnate! I will rule the Seven Deserts!"
...You hold a seance or get an Ouija board and try to contact Moze.
...You stuffed a gray sock, sewed fins and eyes on it and pretended that it was Xerxes.
...You whacked the sock 'eel’ around whenever you were upset.
...You take the 'eel’ wherever you go and always around your shoulders.
...You suspend a picture of Moze over your bed so he’s the last person you see at night, and the first person you see when you wake up.
...You are immediately suspicious of anyone who comes to your door on Halloween night dressed in a harem outfit.
...You are a Master of Mozenrath Trivia.
...You can repeat all of the Mozenrath episodes line-for-line because you know them by heart.
...You see fireflies at night and think they're the Sprites come back to get their revenge on Mozenrath.
...You draw up blue prints for the castle Mozenrath will reign in once he conquers the earth.
...Your parents tell you that you can't watch Mozenrath anymore because you are obsessed with him.
...You can write a fifty-page fan story on Moze but can't write a one-page essay for homework.
...You go to gymnastics so you can be more agile and flexible like Mozenrath.
...You use this YKYAMW list as a checklist. To see just how much of a Mozekateer you are.
...The only reason you go on-line is to view Mozenrath web sites.
...You force your friends to dress up like Mamluks while you dress up like Moze and crash parties.
...You only write in Arabic or Egyptian hieroglyphics.
...You KNOW how to read Arabic or Egyptian hieroglyphics!
...You go to school dressed like Mozenrath. But are sent home because you look too:
a: Silly
b: Sexy
c: Psycho
d: All of the above
...You throw a birthday party for Mozenrath. Even if you don't know what date his birthday lands on OR how old he is.
...You don't care how old he is.
...You don't care how old he is COMPARED to you! ;)
...You draw strange symbols and pentagrams on your driveway with chalk and wake up the neighbors by chanting strange spells.
...You would clobber anyone who tells you Mozenrath is stupid.
...You try to trap your siblings/parents/teachers/boss in a Crystal of Ix.
...You have made a Mozenrath shrine.
...You get sent to counseling for screaming: "IXTRALA!" At the top of your lungs at a kid who was pestering you.
...Walking past a puddle of black mud, you jump into it to see if it’s a gate to the Land of Black Sand.
...You carry around a flashlight with a blue light bulb just for the pleasure of shining it into people’s faces and laughing wickedly.
...You transform your entire house into an exact replica of Mozenrath’s citadel.
...You sleep on a divan.
...You check out books at the library on spells, incantations, and other witchery.
...You get sent to the principal’s office for shining your blue flashlight at teachers and saying: "You fools! No one tells me what to do!"
...You claim you have Mozenrath’s soul inside you while alternately speaking in a normal and then low demonic voice.
...Your psychiatrist says you have a megalomaniacal disposition. And you take it as a compliment!
...You get together with a bunch of friends and act out a Moze episode, you being Mozenrath of course.
...You make up your own skits and act them out.
...You stalk a Mozenrath look-alike.
...You incessantly hum the "Arabian Nights" song until someone tells you to shut up.
...You use an Aladdin poster for a dartboard.
...Visiting a mortuary, you ask if any bodies were missing recently and look around for any signs indicating Mozenrath might have been there.
...You blow up the science room for meddling around with a Bunsen burner, trying to make the flame that distinctive blue-black color...
...Walt Disney Studios have hired guards to keep you out.
...Someone teases you about liking Mozenrath and you no longer get mad. Instead you just pity them... For they don't know what they're missing.
...You wish there were a 'real’ movie about Aladdin and Mozenrath.
...You start making plans for a real movie!
...You start calling all your enemies 'Street Rat’.
...You hate the fact that Moze has to lose all the time because he is a villain, otherwise there will be no more Aladdin series.
...The Grand High Seer of the Mozekateers has a restraining order against you! ;)
...You read this YKYAMW list and you can check off twenty or more things you have personally done.
...You attempt to set up magic detectors around your neighborhood.
...You think you see Elvis chatting with Mozenrath in the local 7-11.
...You quote Moze everyday.
...Your friends are ready to kill you because every other thing out of your mouth is about Mozenrath.
...Your best friend nearly strangles you in the middle of the night because you were talking about Mozenrath in your sleep.
...You wonder where you are going to find boots with curly toes.
...You fear what will happen on Halloween when all the people wearing Aladdin costumes meet all the people wearing Mozenrath costumes.
...You wonder if Mozenrath wears boxers or briefs...
...You are afraid to go near the cemetery, for fear of being attacked by Mamluks.
...You WANT to be attacked by Mamluks. So you can be taken to Mozenrath. ;)
...You carve Mozenrath’s face on a pumpkin for Halloween.
...You wear a turban to school.
...Even though Halloween is over a week away, you still find an excuse to put on your Mozenrath costume every single day.
...You actually consider trying some of the ideas on this YKYAMW list.
...You believe that the UMS is a gateway to a world were Mozenrath’s kingdom actually exists. But after repeatedly bashing your head against the screen has convinced you otherwise.
...You are almost expelled for carrying a scimitar to school.
...Instead of swearing at people when you're angry, you say: "Ahrimanius!" or "By Iblis!"
...You know how to swear in Arabic.
...Your principal considers the blue flashlight you carry with you a concealed weapon...
...While being given an inkblot test, by a psychiatrist (that your parents are forcing you to see because of your Mozenrath fascination), you tell the psychiatrist that the inkblots look like "A gauntlet, an eel, a zombie, a Crystal of Ix, a Wind Jackal, a skeletal hand..."
...None of your friends will come to your house anymore, for fear you'll force them to watch Mozenrath episodes.
...Your teacher actually said something like this to you: "OKAY! One more word about Mozenrath and I'm sending you straight to the PRINCIPAL’S office!"... And there you went.
...You develop an extreme dislike of gryphons.
...The designers of the citadel, Motz and Roth have restraining orders against you!
...You have printed out every single story and poem about Moze and keep them in page protectors in a large notebook.
...You did the same with all of the pictures.
...You try to imitate Xerxes’ voice.
...Visiting a museum, you are arrested by the museum guards for breaking into a case containing crystals.
...Security pulls you out of an aquarium at the zoo for trying to catch the eels.
...You leave a plate of fried liver outside every night for Xerxes.
...Your psychiatrist asks you to bring a videotape of Mozenrath to see what your fascination is all about.
...Your house is burning down and you have a choice. Save your brother OR your Mozenrath stuff... You will miss your brother. :)
...Your parents know everything is to know about the show and they have never seen it!
...You stay away from bolas.
...Your parents ask you what kind of plants you would like in the garden and you suggest "A man-eating snapper plant."
...Your favorite gemstone is a ruby.
...You buy a plastic skeleton and cut off its right arm. So you can attach it to your Mozenrath costume.
...Your newborn sister’s first word isn't "mama", it’s "Mosenwath."
...You create a life-size statue of Mozenrath.
...You attempt to gather all the Mozekateers at your house for the biggest Mozenrath bash ever!
...You think Mozenrath should be converted into a religion.
...You nearly wear out a VCR pausing the tapes so you can draw Moze.
...You scrutinize yourself in a mirror for hours to see if Mozenrath’s reflection will appear.
...You get thrown out of art class for only drawing Mozenrath pictures.
...You are arrested by a forest ranger that caught you letting animals out of traps claiming they might be Xerxes in disguise.
...You make plans to go to Hawaii because they have black sand beaches there.
...You know what a "sirocco" is.
...You call one of your teachers a "poofy-haired freak", because he has hair like Aladdin.
...You always read the horoscope for Leo because it might be Mozenrath’s sign.
...You dreamed that Mozenrath died and you woke up with tears streaming down your face.
...You hear Disney on Ice is coming to town, you start oiling your gauntlet for some 'action’.
...You were sent to the principal’s office for trying to yank off the hair of a teacher because you thought it was a wig.
...A while ago you tried to levitate yourself by jumping as high as you could on the trampoline while wearing your Mozenrath outfit and throwing blue-black glitter around you.
...You watch all the Mozenrath episodes in slow motion to make them last longer.
...You sent a script to Jonathan Brandis asking that he record his voice on tape and send it back to you so can make a Mozenrath movie.
...You invent a Mozenrath song and sing it all day.
...You throw every single fragment of obsidian you come across on the ground to release Setech.
...You were grounded for breaking into a mausoleum to find a gate to Cimmeria.
...On Halloween you didn't go trick-or-treating. You were seen chanting and throwing glitter and black sand on graves in the cemetery all the while waving a blue flashlight around and shouting, "Rise! Rise my minions!"
...The caretaker has hired guards to keep you out of the cemetery.
...You were actually straitjacketed and carted away while doing some of these ideas!
...During a three-hour formal graduation ceremony, you get detention for standing up, thrusting your gauntleted hand in the air, throwing black sand in the air, and yelling "Open the gate to the Land of the Dead!"
...While in detention hall, you get in even more trouble for throwing black sand in people's faces.
...You later get suspended for repeatedly blinking the lights on and off, while mumbling something about magic detectors.
...You call the city Council and ask when the D.S.E.S meeting is going to be held.
...You tape every single Mozenrath episode and rewatch them all in slow motion, to see if there are any hidden messages or meanings.
...You ask the keepers at the zoo where they keep the thirdaks.
...Your favorite fruit is pears.
...You spend hours debating whether or not Mirage is Mozenrath's mother and who is his father.
...Your pregnant teacher asks the class for suggestions on what to call her baby and you immediately suggest "Mozenrath".
...For Halloween you sew a Mozenrath costume for your son while you dress up like Mirage.
...After watching the episode "Lost City of the Sun", you buy a plane ticket to Saudi Arabia to help Moze look for his lost gauntlet.
...You are losing at a chess game and you pray to the gods to help you.
...For class you give a speech on the desert, including the Land of the Black Sand, Agrabah, Quarkistan, and Getzistan.
...You do the above and warn the class about what troubles may arise: Mamluks, evil sorcerers, strange magical creatures, annoying heroes, bad weather, imps, rigged casinos, and giant pink dancing rhinoceroses. :)
...You wear a turban while giving the speech. :)
...You get sent to the guidance counselor for the speech you gave but while in the office you manage to convert the counselor into a Mozekateer!
...You go to floral shops and ask the clerk if they have a rose of Damascus or Armaranth flowers.
...You have come back to read this more than once. ;)
Copyright © 1998 Kari Kok